


You Took it All (But I’m still breathing)

by Youremyalways



Category: The 100 (TV), the hundred - Fandom
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Grieving, Hurt, Memento mori, Season 6 episode 6 memento mori, post 6x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:42:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youremyalways/pseuds/Youremyalways
Summary: A more in-depth look at the scene at the end of 6x06 where Bellamy tells Madi Clarke died. Basically, spec based on: what did Bellamy say?





	You Took it All (But I’m still breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on of Alive by Sia.
> 
> Urgh while it was totally beautiful and rhetorically intelligent to leave the scene between Madi and Bellamy mute, the writer in me couldn’t hold back filling in the blanks. 
> 
> Thus, here is my drabble. Enjoy!

“Clarke didn’t make it.”

A choked breath escaped from Madi’s mouth. The neutral expression melted off of her face like wet paint, and suddenly her eyes were blown wide and dilated. The innocent blue of her irises was drowned out in a matter of milliseconds by the dark black sea of her pupils. Just as quickly as they enlarged, Madi’s eyes slammed closed, her face scrunching up into an array of wrinkles and frown lines. As the first tear fell and a broken “no!” fell from her lips, she rushed towards him. Bellamy pulled her as tight as he could to his chest. Warmth fell over both of them as they tightened their hold on one another. Madi’s own arms around Bellamy grounded him, and he immediately started to rub her spine with firm caresses. He remembered his mother doing the same subtle movements across his back when he would cry in her arms as a kid, and he hoped Madi could feel a comfort similar to what he felt way back then. A broken gasp escaped Bellamy’s lips as she settled her head into the crook of his neck, his skin quickly become wet with her tears. It felt surreal and so so wrong. 

Clarke was all Madi knew for the vast majority of her life. She was quite literally the only reason that little girl was alive, and now… 

Now, Madi was orphaned. 

Bellamy hugged her even tighter as he thought about it, silent tears carving paths down his tan cheeks. He didn’t want to ever let go of Madi. 

But this wasn’t just for her. The truth was they both needed it. They both needed to feel somebody close to Clarke- somebody that loved her to the same magnitude. 

“I knew it wasn’t her.” Came her small whimper, barely loud enough for Bellamy to hear despite her proximity to his ear.

Bellamy slammed his eyes closed and stopped trying to hold back the tears.

“I didn’t want to believe it.” She continued, voice shaking way more than any young girl’s ever should.

“I know.” He choked out, trying to soothe but coming off more broken than anything else.

He just couldn’t stop picturing what Clarke would say. How much she would give to be here to comfort her daughter. When he closed his eyes he could see her watching him hug her child with a pale face, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks stained with tears. He would give everything for her to be real. But if the past decade has taught him anything, it’s that luck doesn’t exist for him- for them. They don’t get breaks. They don’t get second chances. They just… don’t.

The only thing he could do was hold her tighter, and that was heart wrenching.

He’d felt loss his entire life. His mother, Gina, Jaspar, Monty, Harper. Octavia too many times to count. 

The difference was that every one of those times he was given a reason to fight. He had something to punch at and something to keep moving on for. Even the first time he lost Clarke he had a reason to fight. He had no choice but to focus on keeping his friends alive in less than ideal circumstances, and that gave him purpose.

This time there was nothing. 

All there was, was Madi. 

And he had to be there for her. 

He had to be there for her because Clarke couldn’t be anymore, and that’s what she would want. 

So he took a deep breath, and lied through his teeth, “It’s gonna be okay.”

She just started shaking harder and suddenly every ounce of her body weight fell onto him. He squeezed her tight as she sobbed, holding him back so tight that her nails dug into the skin of his shoulders. 

Minutes passed with them just embracing. Bellamy vaguely heard footsteps walking around them every once in a while, but his focus remained undeterred. 

“I want to be alone now.” Madi spoke after a prolonged silence, voice weak yet decisive.

Bellamy just nodded. He understood.

So he loosened his hold on her and lightly let his arms drop to his sides. 

Reaching up with his right hand, he gently wiped the tears off of Madi’s cheeks and spoke quietly, “If you need someone, I’m here. Try to get some rest.”

Madi nodded before reaching forward and giving him another quick hug. When she pulled away, there were fresh tears dangling on her eyelashes. Bellamy shook his head and reached to wipe them away, but before he could, she was running away and up the stairs. He dropped his arm and finally stood up, bring his hands to rest on the back of his head. Echo began to approach him with soft footsteps and hesitation both on her face and in her movements.

“Bellamy, are yo-” 

“Just,” He immediately cut her off, “Give me a minute.”

With that he raced out the door, footsteps heavy and dragging. It was one thing to know that Clarke was gone, but it was an entirely different thing to have to tell her child and watch an eleven year old girl’s world shatter in front of him.

He practically collapsed on the bench with the weight of the day. Finally, he let the full blown sobs free. He stopped holding anything back and let it all be unleashed. Every second of withheld trauma and depression poured out of him in a river of emotions he thought may never stop.

Because she was gone.

Clarke Griffin, his soulmate, the love of his life, his unrequited love… was gone.

And so was he.


End file.
